Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. — Steven Wright
It’s easy sometimes to forget that a family of four is not only a single unit. Nor is it merely a collection of individuals. It is also a network of dyads and triads. Father and daughter. Mother and son. Et cetera. 2018 brought this reality into sharp relief for us, as we navigated a life in two places, one foot in San Francisco and another in Santiago. With high school on the horizon, Adela was glad to be back in San Francisco where she could nurture her gifts as a singer and actress. Meanwhile, Dylan’s continued journey toward professional soccer was best accomplished in Chile. So, with the kids anchored in their schools and lives, we parents took turns accompanying them, an arrangement that gave us a profound understanding of single parenting and some truly incredible windows into the lives of our children.
From Matt: In case you’re confused, from February to July, I lived with Adela in San Francisco, and from August to December, I lived with Dylan in Santiago. Returning to the Bay Area was a chance to re-acquaint myself with all the things I love about this place — Sunday old men’s fútbol in the East Bay with Chris, Wade, Walker and the rest of Alameda United, cross country skiing in Tahoe Donner, (did you know that most Chileans I’ve talked to have NO IDEA what XC skiing is?!), jogging through Land’s End and Golden Gate Park, ramen in Japantown, dim sum and boba tea in the outer Richmond, and, of course, burritos in the Mission.
It was also a chance to be Adela’s dad. Immediately after Jeannette and Dylan took off for Santiago, I got a fortune cookie with the message, “You should enhance your feminine side at this time.” I kid you not. I enjoyed helping Adela grow as a scholar, singer, actress, swimmer, and debater, though I could live without being her taxi driver. We spent quiet evenings and car rides expanding one another’s musical tastes, we marched together against forced family separation, we explored our city together, and we traveled together to Chicago and Indiana for a great visit with the Cone clan.
The second half of the year gave me one-on-one time with Dylan, watching him continue to mature as a student, friend and footballer and making sure he got enough to eat. At the end of the year, I asked him what was different living with me (instead of with his mom), and he summarized it as: “more meat and fewer desserts.” A highlight of our time together was a 24-hour trip to Buenos Aires to take in an important match at La Bombonera, one of the great cathedrals to football. And for a few weeks, we hosted “Camp Católica,” when Liam Nesbitt and Sven Meacham lived with us and trained with their respective age groups at Dylan’s club. Before leaving Chile, I took one last solo trip (while Dylan was in Brazil with his team), car camping in the extraordinarily beautiful Araucania, with its stunning volcanoes and alpine lakes, and then cruising the central coast to get one last taste of the incredible bounty of Chile’s seas.
As for work, I was excited to reconnect with former colleagues at SFUSD, as I started working closely with Kristin Bijur to build a new leadership framework for the school district. And I volunteered time with Griptape, being a champion for young people pursuing their own passions as learners. Jeannette and I are now full-time business partners and we worked together to support the important high school transformation work being done by XQ and to expand the use of high-quality project-based learning through the Buck Institute for Education (now known as PBL Works).
From Jeannette: I spent as much of January as possible soaking up time with Adela and Matt and reconnecting with dear friends. Once back in Chile, Dylan and I set about finding a new apartment and making it a comfortable home. Thank goodness we had the help of wonderful friends and a good sense of humor. A special shout out goes to the Fuentes family for sharing their beautiful home, storing our things before we could move in, and helping us get settled; but there were many folks who offered us help. During the summer Dylan trained in the mornings, but we had time to check out various apartments and we took turns selecting different things to do together. See if you can figure out who proposed which of the following activities: a) see the Black Panther blockbuster; b) go to a house-party to hear world-famous pianist Paulina Zamora play; c) plan a pool party; d) go to an outdoor performance of Santiago’s “Festival el Teatro”; e) apply our sophisticated hamburger rating system to various joints across the city; and f) take a walk in the park.
Once school began, we maintained a different rhythm. Dylan was up early and back late most days, and I had lots of work trips that took me out of town. When June arrived, my “Soccer Mom” status intensified as we welcomed Liam Nesbitt into our home for Phase I of “Camp Católica” and watched as many World Cup matches as we could. The guys were terrific about doing their share to run the household and we enjoyed various activities which included some volunteer work at Habitat for Humanity, evenings out, and soccer. Soccer in the park, Soccer on the field — both home and away — soccer in the snow and soccer on the tv. You get the idea.
My emotional reunion with Adela came at the Miami airport in July where we met up for a week-long trip to Cuba with my dad to help install a water purification system in Holguín. Before returning to San Francisco we enjoyed family, friends and adventures in D.C., Columbia, Baltimore, New York and Philly.
Once back on the west coast, Adela and I didn’t waste any time taking advantage of San Francisco’s cultural offerings, and every week we went to a live performance of some kind: opera, musical theater, vocal concerts, plays. Adela’s swim practices and swim meets converted me from “Soccer Mom” to “Swim Mom”. We harvested peaches. We baked. We binged on mom-daughter movies and shows. We listened to musical theater soundtracks over and over (and over!) again. You get the idea. In addition, we fit in myriad high school visits to help Adela decide which high schools in San Francisco Unified to list in the school assignment process. We volunteered at a few activities together and I canvassed to get out the vote. We reconnected with beloved family and friends, and we adopted the sweetest kitten.
In addition to living out both the benefits and challenges of being a single parent a continent away from my other family half, I spent the year working with school teachers, school leaders and support organizations focused transforming teaching and learning. I cherish the partnership with Matt in Kelefors Consulting that allows us to work together on compelling projects and look forward to both continuing and new projects in 2019.
From Dylan: Let’s start at the beginning. My grandfather and a good friend kicked off the new year watching fireworks over Sydney Harbour. We spent a wonderful three weeks “Down Under” exploring cities, diving on the Great Barrier Reef, and rafting through glow worm caves. It was an incredible experience that I would repeat anytime. I got back to San Francisco from the southern hemisphere in late January only to turn around less than 24 hours to head back to Santiago for my soccer preseason practices. My mom and I got on a plane, leaving the other half of our family in the ‘City by the Bay’. This marked the beginning of our year of separation, and all of the complications that came with it.
We lived apart for 341 days. It was quite a change having only two people in each household, but there were some good things about it. Like doing my own laundry. Not.
Playing on the highly competitive U15 Católica team in Chile was a highlight for me. As most of you know, I compete at a high level in soccer, and every year the challenges have grown exponentially. So, as you may have guessed, this year was the most challenging thus far. As a team, we battled all year for the championship against many great teams in hard-fought clashes. Five days a week — every week — my teammates and I worked out on the field towards a common goal. I’m very proud that we defeated our rivals Colo-Colo for the first time at the ‘Monumental’’ (their home stadium).
I started and completed my sophomore year in high school this year. All 10th graders are required to complete a “personal project” and I embarked on mine to research, build and reflect on games ancient civilizations used to play that were closest to modern day soccer. I started this project in March, and the final presentation was in September. That’s a fair bit of time if you ask me, but all of it was filled with work and more work, bringing this project to life, and my peers and I will tell you that it was hard work. We culminated our work in September when the entire 2020 class presented their projects to the Santiago College community in a showcase where not only the parents, but also other students got to explore the work that we had done over the course of the year. I’m proud of my work, and it was interesting to see what my classmates had taken on in their personal projects as well.
As this year came to a close, I found myself flying to another island with my paternal grandfather (and some cousins) to have a great trip in the Galapagos. We saw tons of wildlife, snorkeled with sharks and sea lions, explored the habitat for giant tortoises and didn’t have any WiFi…
Thankfully we survived all of this.
I moved back to the U.S. right before New Year’s, and recently joined a competitive soccer team in the Bay Area: DeAnza Force. Stay tuned for that story in next year’s letter . . .
From Adela: 2018 was a year I experienced lots of change. After returning to the U.S. from Santiago where I had spent the last 2.5 years, I started a new school, applied to high school, joined a new swim team, and got back into the arts. But it’s also when our family separation began.
One of the reasons I came back to the United States was for the arts. I’ve always loved to sing and perform, but while we were living in Santiago I wasn’t able to do much in the way of performing arts. After our time in Chile, I told my parents I wanted to move back to San Francisco. Sure, I had managed to find some ways to sing, but I knew I needed something more. I came back, re-joined the Girls Chorus, joined the vocals class at Everett Middle School, and started singing with the American Conservatory Theater (A.C.T.) middle school cabaret, expanding my repertoire from classical music to the world of musical theater. Being reintroduced into the singing community was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and it made San Francisco feel like home again.
My brother, on the other hand, wanted to pursue a career in soccer, so our family split up. It was very different living with only one parent, but it was a great learning experience. I’ve made new friends, and reconnected with old ones. Most importantly, I adopted a kitten we named Mojito, whom I love very much. He’s been a great addition to our family, and even when he scratches the couch we forgive him (all of us, except maybe Mom a little bit less). He’s super sweet and affectionate, everything you could ask for in a cat. I am really happy to finally have a pet in the house, especially one I love so much.
Living in Santiago was a great experience. I learned so much by being abroad, but I am grateful to be back home in San Francisco. I am very happy my family and I are reunited once again, and I look forward to 2019 as a family of five.
Post-Script: While 2018 was a year when we were spread across two continents, we’re looking forward to 2019 together as a family of four (five when you count Mojito) in San Francisco. You can reach us at the following numbers and emails: Matt: 415.949.8653 (matt@kelefors.com)/ Jeannette: 415.425.7589 (jlafors@stanfordalumni.org)/ Dylan: 415.910.8408 (dylankelemen@gmail.com)/ Adela: 415.949.8963 (adelakelemen@gmail.com). You can follow Mojito on Instagram @momo_the_kitty_98.
2018 By the numbers . . .
1 Number of Momos now living as part of our family
1 Miles Adela swam in open water in the SF Bay
3 New babies born into our extended family: Mynt (Jan), Alexander (Apr) and Finnian (Nov)
4 Senate seats Dems need to flip in 2020
5 Hours of sunlight you lose when you leave Santiago for San Francisco in late December
5 Number of prototypes that Dylan created for his 10th grade personal project
9 Number of conferencing platforms employed for work and family communication
17 Number of visitors to Chile (from the U.S. and New Zealand)
32 Days we had together as a family of 4 in 2018
130 Average number of years tortoises live in the Galapagos
245 Worst air quality rating recorded in San Francisco in decades (Camp Fire in Butte County)
250 Number of doors we knocked on with California Away to remind registered voters to vote
270 Number of days Adela was a 7th grader
285 Days Dylan trained or played soccer in a team setting
300+ Number of choristers signing in Davies Hall along with the Kronos Quartet