The Kelefors

At Mom-Mom’s gravesite yesterday, I didn’t have the words. And with the snowstorm scattering us too quickly, I missed too many stories. So, here are my thoughts. I’d love it if you would add your own.

Dottie’s story is a true American story. She came by boat at the age of six, speaking no English and knowing little of what to expect. She was given a new name, one more pronounceable on an immigration officer’s lips than her given one. She graduated high school, which not every girl her age did. She worked in the business that allowed an Eastern European family that came here with nothing to climb into the middle class. She married and gave her children, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren opportunities she could not have imagined on that first boat ride.

And if that were the end of the story, it would have been enough. But Dottie’s story offers us all so much more. Through her grace and kindness, she became the very heart and soul of her extended family. The matzoh ball soup and brisket. The cards sent unfailingly on important occasions. The warmth of her hugs. The wit. These things endeared her to everyone around her, so much so that in her later years, she became a mother to more than her two sons and one daughter, a grandmother to more than her five grandchildren, and a great-grandmother to more than her eight grandchildren.

And if that were the end of the story, it would have been enough. But for me, she was also a steadfast link to our Jewish heritage and tradition. One of the things I am most grateful for is that I got to go to synagogue with her last October, the last time I saw her alive. She was happy to be able to say the Shehechiyanu, since it was the first time I had come to temple with her. When I light shabbat candles or ring in the new year or share a Passover meal with friends, it always brings to mind my grandmother, for this is something we shared.

We were all wishing that Dottie would make it to 100, so that we could gather once more an celebrate her amazing life. But she came to the anniversary of her own daughter’s passing, she looked up at an iconic photo of her husband, and I think she decided that it was enough. She lived the life she wanted to live, and now she is at peace with Joe, Barbara, Max, Minnie, Toby, Terry, Dave, and all the others who came before her.

May Dottie’s memory be a blessing to all of us.

Here is a slideshow put together by Holly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spkM5vNBSyc&feature=youtu.be.

 

Nelson Mandela’s passing this year had a profound impact on us. Both Dylan and Adela are old enough to remember visiting Robben Island and experiencing some of the South Africa that Mandela struggled to create. And we often find ourselves talking about his achievements as examples of how to live our own lives. So it seems fitting to put our updates this year in the context of the values of Mandela that we seek to emulate.

For Adela, we think of the value of determination. Remember, this is the girl who once told us, “I want what I want because I want it.” She’s a grown-up 8-year old now, but the steely drive remains. It showed up in her serious preparation for evaluations as an SF Girls Chorus member, earning her promotion to Level 2 and a front row spot in the line up. At winter concerts in St. Mark’s Church and Davies Hall, she was radiant, and her vocal talent continues to grow under the tutelage of the SFGC staff and Amy Foote. It showed up in weekly science lessons with Exploratorium “explainer” Rose Johnson-Leiva. Adela returned from dissecting cow eyes or building DNA strands with a quiet confidence and surety about her future as a scientist. It showed up in her artwork being selected for display at the Asian Art Museum in the SF Youth Arts Festival. And it showed up in her choice of Halloween costume, Eowyn from The Lord of the Rings (who sneaks away from her appointed life in the King’s court to join the battle against Mordor); since we bought her a bow for the costume, she often heads up to the park on her own to fire arrows into the air. Adela has blossomed as a reader, a scientist, a singer, and an archer and we know that, with her, anything is possible. As Mandela said, “It always seems impossible until it is done.”

For Dylan, who turned 10 this year, we think of the value of leadership. Whether on the soccer field, in the classroom, or in casual play, Dylan is a natural leader. His positivity is infectious and wins him friends young and old. In the winter, he joined his dad for the Great Ski Race (a 30km trek from the shores of Lake Tahoe to Truckee) and kept up a great spirit all the way to the finish line despite tough snow conditions. This summer, he came home from sleep-away camp at UC Berkeley with a real Cal uniform (apologies to Cardinal fans in the crowd) as a prize for being the MVP. In the fall, he was invited to perform capoeira at City Hall during the Hispanic Heritage Awards Celebration. And this winter, he put in a star performance in a hip-hop number in the school dance concert, while making everyone around him shine. Asked to serve others, he jumped at the chance to pack meals at the San Francisco Food Bank. Moving into double digits, Dylan has become more independent this year, walking and biking himself to school and soccer practice (no small feat in a big city). We have enjoyed watching him continue to excel as a soccer player (including two tournament finals for his team), a mathematician, a musician and a dancer.

For Jeannette and Matt, we are inspired by Mandela’s deep commitment to social justice and we are reminded by him that “education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Jeannette began her third year as the Director of Practice at the Education Trust-West, a non-profit education advocacy organization based in Oakland striving to ensure all California’s public schoolchildren have equitable access to a high quality education. Besides working, Jeannette continued her cycling (with stunning rides in Tahoe and the Bay Area), reconnected with activities she’d almost forgotten she knew how to do (she strapped on her 20-year-old roller blades to skate with Adela and borrowed a sewing machine to make Halloween costumes), and spent treasured time with family and friends both near and far.

Matt continued his work at New Leaders, an organization that develops transformational school leaders and advances the policies and practices that allow great leaders to succeed. He has enjoyed helping state and district leaders in Connecticut, Delaware, Indiana, Tennessee and Minnesota, but is still hopeful of generating more interest in New Leaders’ work in states closer to home! In addition to work, teaching at Stanford, and continued consulting and volunteering on boards, Matt accomplished a few personal goals, including skiing the Great Ski Race, running the SF Half Marathon, re-joining a soccer club, and (after 30-odd years off) taking up piano again. Since starting the latter in the fall, he was the only family member who practiced as much as he was supposed to.

The year brought five numbers to celebrate:

1 – the age of our goddaughter Karla Abigail, who brings joy to everyone she meets

4 – the number of months Peter and Gabby have been parents to the adorable Felix Hebert

18 – the number of years Jeannette’s uncle Tom & Mona were together before getting wed this summer in beautiful Olympia, WA

50 – the years Matt’s parents have been married, a milestone celebrated with a banner family and friends gathering at Michele and Benoit’s country home in Linden, VA

99 – the age attained by Dottie Kelemen, who continues to amaze us with her stamina and strength; we hope to celebrate 100 with her in July

Beyond our work travels, we stayed closer to home than usual this year. Family brought us East in the summer (Bethany and Linden) and winter (DC and Baltimore). We took our first family backpacking trip in the Sierras, summiting Mt. Lola above 9,000 feet and enjoying campfire-cooked pancakes. In the fall, Jeannette treated Adela to a New York City birthday extravaganza celebrating Claire (7), Cole (5) and Grandma (young as ever) too. And Thanksgiving took us to San Diego with the LaFors clan where we enjoyed the sun, amusements and time together. We saw out 2013 in Tahoe with a fantastic Seedlings book club reunion, reveling in the awesome beauty of the Sierras even if the snow disappointed.

As the new year begins, we look forward to the Brazil World Cup (reminded that bringing the Cup to South Africa was one of Nelson Mandela’s lesser, but still important, accomplishments). And this is the year when we begin planning in earnest for a two-year stint living in a Spanish-speaking country. If anyone has leads on jobs at international schools (for Jeannette), education consulting gigs (for Matt), soccer academies (for Dylan), or youth theater opportunities (for Adela), we’ll take them.

Peace to you and yours,

Jeannette, Matt, Dylan & Adela

One of the things we enjoy about being parents is watching our kids toggle between the present and the future – in one moment expressing their kid-ness and in the next giving us a glimpse of who they might become. It’s an encapsulation of the timeless debates of philosophers and physicists about being and becoming – right in our living room! And this year, it showed up in some powerful and surprising ways.

For Dylan, it showed up in a letter from the San Francisco Ballet School inviting him to study on scholarship – one of twenty boys chosen out of thousands observed at schools across the city. If we were a bit surprised by the news (having barely heard a word from Dylan about the once-a-week Dance in Schools ballet sessions at school while they were happening), it just re-affirmed his enormous physical talent. Now, when he comes home showing off his tendus or explaining that his session got moved because the SF Ballet’s professionals needed their regular room, we shake our heads in wonder. Oh, and in case you were wondering if ballet has supplanted soccer, it has not. Indeed, Dylan took his first step on the path toward the professional game when he attended an invitation-only camp in Georgia hosted by the West Ham Academy (yes, that’s West Ham of the Premier League!). Back home, he joined a new club, practices at every opportunity, and is nearly surpassing Matt in his knowledge of players and teams in the European professional leagues.

For Adela, it showed up in a letter inviting her to join the San Francisco Girls Chorus. Another reminder that Adela was born for the stage, this opportunity transformed music from a hobby to nearly a job – with four hours of rehearsal supplemented by theory assignments and the need to memorize the words to a dozen songs. She took to it with a new level of devotion – really learning to read in the process! – and we were blown away watching her perform with the full chorus at Davies Hall for their annual holiday sing-a-long. Adela also continued with musical theater, performing in Hairspray and Suessical the Musical. She awaits – not altogether patiently – her first starring role.

The process of being and becoming is, of course, not limited to our children’s lives. We became godparents to Karla Abigail (aka Abby), the adorable daughter of our amazing caregiver Mirian and her husband Enrique. Jeannette also became a wedding officiant this year, undertaking the 10-mouse-click process in order to officiate the wedding of dear friends Katherine and Tony in San Francisco’s City Hall. Though inspiring, it did not steer her to a new profession, as she continues to work full time as the Director of Practice at the Education Trust-West in Oakland with an amazing group of colleagues. She is thankful for the opportunity to advocate for equitable opportunities and outcomes for low-income students and students of color as they prepare for college and career success. Her work takes her all over California, but she cherishes time with family and friends.

Matt became an employee while continuing to be a consultant. Having worked with New Leaders for two years as a consultant, he formally joined the organization in the spring as Executive Director of State Services. In that capacity, he leads a talented team of experts who advise states on their strategies for school leadership. It’s been highly rewarding work, as he has interacted with state and school district leaders from Hartford, Connecticut to French Lick, Indiana. Matt continues to teach at Stanford, loves his board work with Parents for Public Schools and Partners in School Innovation, and reserves a day a week for other consulting projects.

Others in our lives had notable milestones: Michael LaFors became a college graduate, Michael Cone became a lawyer, Mayee Yap received her MBA, Curt and Ann Kelemen became parents (welcome, Sydney), and Jonah Kelemen became a kindergartner.

Among our travels this year, London stood out. We spent a week there with friends and gracious hosts John, Alice, Kate and Abby. Barely scratching the surface of an amazing city, we took in a football match at Craven Cottage, a show in the West End, Stonehenge, Oxford, London Tower, the Globe, Westminster Abbey, Harrod’s and more. More than anything, it was a joy to see the kids learn in new ways. Summer took the kids east for time with the Kelemen clan – Dylan for a week in Liniken Bay, Maine, and Adela for a week in Columbia and the Delaware beach. In the fall, Kary and Nanette treated the LaFors clan to a Disney trip, where Dylan took good care of his cousin Cole while Adela and Claire enjoyed the magic of the place. And we ended the year traversing the mid-Atlantic, visiting Michele and Benoit’s “farm house” for the first time, celebrating Christmas in Richmond at the home of Jean-Paul and Laura, and spending a few quiet days in Baltimore, Columbia and DC.

On this last trip of the year, we traversed a bit of Civil War history, from Bull Run to Monticello to Richmond to Ford’s Theater in DC. Coinciding with the sesquicentennial of the Emancipation Proclamation, these visits reminded us of the heavy price that Americans have paid and continue to pay in the pursuit of full equality for all people. Jefferson got the “being” part right by declaring all men equal. Lincoln reminded us of what we would become by calling on people to honor the dead at Gettysburg by recommitting to the great task of giving the nation a “new birth of freedom.” That great task continues today and we’re blessed to be a part of it.

Peace to you and yours.

Jeannette, Matt, Dylan and Adela